its funny how come i've got to where i m now. pple on the surface may tink i m a successful person. poly student at least. With magnificent grades, once a well-respected president and a trustful treasurer. Hah. How wonderful when things dun seemed to last. I nv pinned hope on it that my fame will last cos i was nv after it. But little did i expect that worst luck came with it.

heh. Altho till now, some still see me in great honor, still tot to be a great scholar, dependable advisor and diligent VP, things that had changed and still changing can really slash me hard.

studies is a kind of tool for us to gain knowledge i tink. But its only a tool and there are far more ways to attain knowledge and experience. thus, it does not measure someone's ability to do well in life. And being able to study doesn't mean that u are a smartass cos pple with IQ without EQ can well go and bang the wall. My pt being, my past ability to do well was sheer luck, some diligence and lil' intelligence. But that does not make me a darn top scorer la. Dun assume that i m THE ONE in studies cos it pisses me off sometimes cos i try darn hard too. I m no genius.

As for 2 ccas that i tried so hard to work it upwards upon. It greatly tore me in half. For one, i tried so so so hard to pick it up when its fallin. And with all efforts from everyone tat supported me thru, my club came recognized to where it was. However, wad i can say is that human politics pull pple down and its tearing me apart when i see wad is happening now. U see, pple to pple relationship is not built in a day but by trust day by day, but a single tug can actually cause that bridge to fall. Abrasions here and there are inevitable, but the least we could do is to pick ourselves up and move forth. For this, i noe the 2 parties who are involved cared so much abt our club...these pple cared so much that they cud forsake so many tinks that each and everyone of us may not noe. However, no matter how bad the situation is, we must all come to a common ground to noe that wad we all wanted to, is to make our club the very best. Why some pple may FEEL that i can get along with pple that is so hard for others to even get near. The reason is simple, becos of the faith i believed in that person. I noe that that person wants the best in us. Tho' presurising, yes i hate the person in the process, but at the end of the day, i cannot deny that the person is one of the reasons y we see results.

For that 1 person, i noe he has the love for the club if not, he wud nt stay for more than 10years and still going on. Tho' stubborn or orbit he is, he is a kind soul in fact. Yes, he may sound as if he washed all our day's efforts into the drain within a hurting sentence, but sometimes, tink abt it, wad he said make SENSE ain't it? He may maligned us sometimes becos he dun SEE the process but it dun hurt to calm down and try to fit in some cool explaination. I hate to say that it hurts me so much when u all cant get along with him when i know that silly old man is jus trying to guard the house and not let it be on fire.

i duno if u may read my post but dun feel as if i m helping anyone or fending on anyone's side, i m jus speaking words of person who build that club up and wanting it to progress and not fall cos of human relations. If nt, jus treat me as a concerned member. I noe its hard on u and others, but pls u have got hands and legs to help u if u are willing to get help. U were not like me, when in the past i needed help i do not get any. Not even a mere encouragement, only from that old man and a few helpless souls. I know that thru this 1 short post, u cannot possibly understand wad i wan to say. or even know hw i really feel. Similarly, the short meetings i see u i couldn't possibly understand u which i tot i cud. Thus, yes, u can say that i may not noe fully how u r feeling but u cannot NOT say that wad u r gg thru now is much harder than wad i or some others went thru. Our views may clash, yes, undeniable cos we are different pple of different principles and all. But we MUST MUST MUST have a common consensus that all we want is the better of our club do u understand. U have NEVER seen the worst of the club. OF the old man. Of many more. WHICH I DUN WAN U TO. Thus, i m also guarding the house u understand.

However, i m tired and all i wanted was to relax and go join the club happily like how some others do. Mix with the freshies, mix with the pple enjoy the teachings, learn alot thru lessons etc. But sometimes the happenings jus pull me in u noe? Pls understand and not take me wrongly again. if u still do, than wad's the diff. from others taking u wrongly.

Anyway the above post was not targetted at ONE person. Just using "u" for convenience. but whoever that its applicable jus take it in. Anyway, the least that u cud do is to talk to me and we work tinks out. Just tinking that pple dun understand u is not gg to help the situation. we must help each other not just stay by ourselves. We will struggle and die. Haiz.

As for my other club, i m nt gonna rant on cos its late le. But all i can say is that now even tho' all is gone and cold, we still keep trying to improve the club and all but its saddening to noe that tinks are still moving slow...nvm. Hope all will be better.

remb, i m not sad, i just want tinks to at least fall back in place. I do not want to leave a bad mark for nth i have NOT done. All in all, my efforts will last if the pple do nt make me feel like giving up, cos when i give up, its no turning back.